some say, he knows, only two things 'bout ducks
and both'a those things are wrooong

some say, he's rel-a-ted to Tyranno-rexes,
all we know is, that heee's caalled tha Stig

some say, he can swim, seven lengths under water,
and he has webbed buttocks 

some say, his skin has the texture of a dolphin

all we know is, that he's called tha Stig

He names all his potted plants Steve
Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
some say his ears, have a paisley lining, 

and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show
Some say that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch... 

Some say, that he lives in a tree,
 and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals... all we know is, he's called the Stig

all we know is, he's called the Stig.